Thursday, September 17, 2015


Some years ago I had an encounter with a woman who informed me that she was afraid of me. She did not say why, and I was too stunned to ask her why. I penned the following words.

All those thoughts on the impact others say I have on them, and how they perceive me to be a fearsome monster, has got me to thinking about validity.  How do I establish my validity and why is it necessary to do so at all.  Does validity comes from what I do?  I used to think so. Once when I lost my job once, I was devastated.  I was no longer valid, I had no job.  Being among the unemployed is an invalid place to be. So my thinking went at that time. The Teachings and personal  growth have allowed me to release that particular thought system. In the area of employment, it does not matter what I do, or not do.I now understand that my validity stands free form whatever employment I may be involved in.

There are other clouds deep within me. These are culled from the social consciousness. I use them to present my validity in other clothes. One such is that my validity rests quite a bit on being perceived as being loving. Now if truth be told, neither I nor those doing the perceiving truly know what loving means. When we say that is such a loving person, what we really mean most of the time is that person is self sacrificing. Such a one is laying their individuality on the floor for others to cross over the troubled waters of their own making.  That is not the sort of loving person I choose to be. But the most telling question of all is why do I crave the perception at all. 

The belief that I am not valid unless someone outside of myself states that I am valid runs deep. It started early in childhood. My elders, in their efforts to help me manage being in a body, rewarded behavior they thought were acceptable. They punished those that did not fit the pattern of the society in which I incarnated. Thus, as a child, I was never taught that what I did was valid. I did learn how to choose behavior that would benefit the whole and avoid punishment.   

My elders, in love, tried to fashion my God given individuality into the uniformity that would make my way easier in this world. But clearly that is not the intent for being here. Nor is it the intent to make the world conform to my individuality. Where is the balance?  How does one be themselves and also accommodate the expectations of the world. That presents a challenge that I seem to have taken on as a bull does a china shop. There have been shattered relationship along the way as stubbornly I refused to conform simply because it would make my life easier.

"If it was not valid it would not be."