Sunday, November 15, 2015

With a Little Help from My Friends

During a time when I was in the throes of many changes which involved a great deal of internal processing, I experienced alienation from some of my closest friends. I remember that the people in my close orbit would not allow me to share that process with them. At the time, I internalized this as great pain, and had my feelings hurt often. What I now realize is they saw me as so very strong,  seeing any weakness within me would threatened their belief in their own strength. I saw some of that then; but wondered why they felt free to lean on me whenever they were in crisis, but at the time of my own crisis choose to be absent at least on the emotional level I had desired.

I remember one friend in particular who would interrupt me whenever I mention any of the upheaval that was occurring in my life, and tell some story of her own. It got so obvious, that I started to avoid her company. Now I see that period as one of the greatest blessings I could have been afforded. As those in my outer circle avoided my stress, I turned to the forces within myself, and from those forces drew strength, and understanding. The habit of daily meditations deepened the habit of looking at my thoughts and feelings,and keeping a journal strengthened and ripened into the first spiritual book I wrote. The dependence on the Spirit within aided me in teaching others how to do the same. I had to get to the place where the shadow of outer appearance became my clue to turn within for insights and solutions.

It is with a deep sense of gratitude that I view those days. The events themselves are all but forgotten, but the vital lesson of inner dependence has remained and grown stronger for those experiences. Now I know that I chose those people to be the ones around me at that particular time for their gift of non-involve­ment. Most of them are friendly and we visit occasion­ally, but that closeness which was then is no more. They were my able teachers who drove me, unwillingly I might add, to turn to the light within my own being for solace and guidance. 

Had my intimate associates been of the inclination to listen, give advice and generally interfere with the lessons I was learning, I would have missed the opportuni­ty to learn how very dependable the Holy Spirit is; and to know that the great teacher lives within me. The search for answers would have continued in the outer where only the questions live. At the time, I knew the words, but experiencing those words was not yet mine. I am truly grateful for everyone that did not listen, or join me in my little pity parties.   

May they continue to give such aid to any soul that crosses their path