Thursday, August 6, 2015

The Me that I am



There is a softness inside me at this moment that is almost inexpressible.  It is far beyond the ordinary mushiness of poignancy, or even the "moving" but resides in the most tender space of my being. It leaks out into my consciousness as a feeling of melting into a new form, a redefined me, more whole somehow. Inner states are sometimes difficult to describe. The best way I can think of at this time, is sort of like a flower opening up inside me, feeling the sunlight on the petals of my soul, and being moist and fecund at the same time. I know that Spirit manifests in a myriad of ways in my experience. Sometimes in the throes of being "in the Spirit" I begin to dance and hum the most inane of tunes. All this is informed by a type of connection that defy words.   

At other times there is a stillness, it is in the air, it is inside of every sound that can be heard. It is within the very molecules of my structure. I stop as any movement would shatter this stillness. There are the empty spaces within my mind as well. Let me explain that. Most of the time there are words within my mind, rarely there are pictures. My mind runs like a constant commentator annotating events as I experience them. Sometimes those comments are so funny that I laugh at seemingly inappropriate moments. But this empty space comes upon me and there are no words within my mind. It is not unpleasant. I am aware of everything that is occurring within reach of my five senses, yet there are no words. For a person who can understand concepts only when they are framed in words, that is a new experience.

As I sit and ponder on how far I have come, I am constrained to be grateful for the forces at work in the affairs of the humanity, of which I am a part.  There are times, like now, when the very magnitude of the Universe brushes against my awareness and I am awed. There is no better word for the feeling of expansiveness the pervades me at such times.  It is as if I am me, sitting here writing these words. 

Yet, I am another me, bigger, connected to everything, loved by everything, loving everything, and smiling the smile which says this experience of writing these words are right for this time and space. The affairs of the day await, held back by the peace that fills my heart and mind at this moment. That peace is saying the affairs of the day need not interrupt or change the peace, but during the very outer focus of a work day, peace may be experienced differently. 

In moments like those I know I am Peace