EPOCH (Part 2)

 


I was ascending the stairs of the town house in which I lived when I felt it the unmistakable pulsing of the abscess's appearance. Tears streamed down my face, and I said aloud, "Not again, I can't take another one." My soul answered in a voice I had come to understand was the voice of wisdom and guidance. "When did you have the first one?" I answered the calm voice in my head with my rational everyday voice and again out loud. "At the end of my first year of secondary school." " What happened in that same time?" "I changed my name." "Why did you change your name?" "Joyce was the one who allowed the old man next door to do the things to her vagina and she was guilty and nasty. She accepted his bribe of those shinny shillings with which she bought treats for herself. She was not worthy of being in secondary school and moving up in the world; most of all she should be ashamed of herself" "That guilt and shame you stuffed into your flesh causing pain in the very place you despised the most. "This conversation took about a week or more and was shortened here. When I got to the shame, I became sick to my stomach and threw up.

That was only the beginning of my healing from that particular childhood trauma.  The calm voice of my soul guided me through the ways in which I co-created the incident with the pedophile next door. Those conversations led me to the place of forgiveness.  The process took weeks. The first person to be forgiven was Joyce. She was doing the best she could at the time with eight or nine years of life in a human body. What did she know?  With that understanding it was easy to forgive her.  With that forgiveness, I reclaimed the precious part of myself who was a playful child who loved to climb trees, read, memorize poems, write compositions and play jacks. The next being up for forgiveness was the old man next door. That took some doing. My soul is relentless. 

I came into incarnation to do a specific work and it had to be done, all of it. In order for that to happen I had to lay down the burdens I was carrying from that particular incident. Several more weeks of conversation with my soul ultimately ended with forgiveness bring extended to Him. However, forgiveness was not the end of these sessions; compassion was the goal, and I had a way to go to get there.

For the road to compassion see Part 3

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