Energy Burst

 

There is a shift in my body. It is just past 1am and I am rearing to go. I have moved things around in the middle drawer of the small chest of drawers holding my folded clothes. I dug through all the drawers searching for a particular cap that I want to wear to the dentist tomorrow. The reason for wanting that particular cap is it present the look I wish to have when I take the selfie with my new dentures. I am reveling in the same sense of anticipation I get when preparing for a big event the next day.

This is a forward looking feeling I have not had for the longest time. Truth is I can't remember feeling this energized since the second round with the cancer began. Instead, my prevailing mood for the longest time has been a low-grade malaise so familiar, I did not notice, nor acknowledge it for what it was. All during this stretch I would have bubbling moments of dancing energy, but never true anticipation. Because most of my focus has been on doctor's appointments and phone calls attempting to make arrangements for one service or another. 

This new energy has the texture of "opening day is tomorrow, a big party is tonight, or the day before the photograph at the top of this post was taken."  That photograph is of me at the book signing for my second book, Beyond Personality. The day before that event, I was bursting with the energy of anticipation and had great difficulty sitting down. This is a familiar energy, but one I have not felt in years. I hardly notice it's absence, and when I turned my mind to processing its absence, I attributed that to the aging process.

It is now 9:00am, took a nap after completing the last paragraph, woke up and had my first cup of coffee. The exuberance is mounting toward the crescendo when my new denture is inserted at noon. I will wrap up this blog post, get dressed and leave for the dentist's office. I promise you I will resume this saga tomorrow.

For now, in love and light, I bequeath you love.