There are little things that sit in our psyches, gnaw at our thoughts, disrupt jour pensive moments, and form impediments to our grand expansion and glory. They may go unnoticed for years. If we address these impediments, by owning them whenever we encounter them, it serves our expansion and adds to our peace. This takes the energy embedded within them to neutral, thus making it available to expand our consciousness in the upward direction of our soul’s progress. An example of this from my own experience will show that even those of us who are seeking to consciously expand our consciousness have such spaces within themselves.
Back in 2001 I was living in Daytona Beach and scuffling to put food on the table and pay the rent. I was in between income bearing activities when I saw the ad for drivers at the car auction. I applied and was hired. It was much fun as all the drivers were lined up and drove the next available vehicle. Most of the vehicles were in disastrous condition. Some had to be pushed to get started and the engines revved up to keep running while in line to enter the auctioneer’s cavernous space. Thus you may be eyeing the sleek shinny almost new car, but got the one that had to be pushed to get started and had a manual transmission that was difficult to change. It was always a rush as the lines had to be kept moving at the pace of the auctioneer’s rapid fire cadence. After leaving the auctioneer’s space, through which you drove slowly, it was back to the lot and park in the same spot from which you took the car. Waiting in the line was akin to being in a traffic jam at rush hour. As I said much fun. I enjoyed the three weeks I worked there.
One day sitting in the huge golf cart which hauled the drivers around from lot to lot enjoying the banter of my fellow workers, a slender Caucasian woman said something funny (I don’t remember what she said) but I added something which was meant to be funny also. She whipped around and looked me in the eye and said,”I was not talking to you.” The hurt I felt was so deep I had all I could do not to cry.
I mulled over scathing replies for about a day or two, then did a forgiveness exercise and moved on. But the incident left one of those dark spaces within my psyche that was never addressed until later. The trigger for my addressing it was brought about by a dream. In the dream I was living in what appeared to be an apartment with a long hallway presumable leading to other apartments. There was a slotted opening through which I could see anyone walking up or down the hallway. A young Caucasian woman smartly dress walked by and I greeted her with a bright smile. She ignored me completely, and then stopped at the slot to examine the wall. I reached through the slot and touched her shoulder saying, “I was greeting you.” With as much disdain as she could muster, she said, “what did you do that for?” I felt anger and some of that same hurt I experienced at the car auction that day so very long ago.
The scene shifted as it does in dreams and I was back inside the huge apartment hanging up clothes, most of which were black. Inside with me were two people one of which was a baby; the other a young man. Both of them, the man and the baby, were Caucasian. The baby obviously wanted to interact with me, but the man forbade him from doing so. The baby started crying. I ordered the man to move the baby and both of them to stay in a corner, letting him know that they were in my space where I set the rules. I was very angry. I also wanted to hold the baby, but knew I should not, as they both were unrelated to me. I awoke then with the car auction scene in my mind and the hurt I felt at the woman’s remark fresh in my psyche. A few of the scathing remarks came to mind, but I knew I had to address the hurt.
It was an impediment to my greater expansion. You see, the hurt was mine; it was the feeling I chose while engulfed in the incident and the feeling I took away from it. I had to heal the hurt. I had to shine the LIGHT of LOVE on the incident, the woman and myself. This telling is a part of the shinning. I am healing that place where hurt burned and scarred for the intervening years between then and now. In the march through my everyday life, I had let it go. It had lived with me for far too long, remaining unnoticed; and impeding my progress. I am grateful for the dream, the incident and the expansion both have afforded me.
I can safely say one impediment down; others to follow.