I Am Changing

I’ve been a little ashamed of having less material belongings than most of my peers. While I was globetrotting, taking long sabbaticals from the corporate culture, and being an urban mystic, my peers were steadfast in material pursuits. Thus we entered our “golden years” with most of my peers having the material wherewithal to live comfortably; while I on the other hand live on the bare minimum provided by the governmental safety net, aka Social Security.  This has been a source of grave concern for me and often caused me to hide most of what was happening in my life away from my spiritual endeavors.

An example of this is how I pretend that I have no interest in attending events that costs money which I do not have and I know with will be expansive. I do not do things that feed my spirit, because I do not have the money to pay for them. I have accepted that is where I am on my journey, but grieve my inability to change any of it.

I live in an income dependent apartment complex and have to reveal my finances every year to the management company in order to continue my occupancy. I have had occasion to visit the local food banks and often end each month with no money to pay for simple things. Again I accepted that is my own doing and move on with what is within my grasps. But I desire more. I do not now have the freedom of being able to come and go without the constant concern of how to pay for this or that. My metaphysics tell me that I can change my circumstances. Believe me I have been working on altering those circumstances for years.

An amazing thing happened yesterday which holds the seeds of actually changing those chafing circumstances. Three other women and I sat down and simply talked. We found that all four of us had to one degree or another straddled the dilemma presented to the spiritual seeker around our spirituality and our material circumstance. We agreed to support one another and find a solution that we can use to change our circumstances. All of us have been on the spiritual path for quite a while and know that the breaking point is at hand. It is our privilege to aid one another in this journey and be there when the breakthrough arrives to celebrate it. Naturally it will be different for each of us as our personalities are different. But as we hold each other in love; the ongoing journey will expand all of us and become greater than the sum of our parts.

I am grateful.